It’s Just as I Feared

My biggest fear in leaving my last job was that if I slowed down, I would, well, slow down.  And I have.  Mostly, that’s good.  But weeks like this scare me.  You see, I have always loved accomplishment, and I feel good when I am cranking things out.  During busy season, I have been know to decide to make a new quilt, or rearrange rooms and paint the fireplace.  It makes me happy, if also tired.

What I am finding, however, is that when I have a busy week or two, my adversity management skills are possibly weaker than they used to be.  I think I am being hard on myself, but let me tell you what I am worried about:

I can’t remember things like I used to.  I used to be able to keep schedules and details in my head and still think ahead to the next thing.  Today, I left Grace at school.  That’s right, I told her and her teacher she would be parent pick up and I didn’t remember that school gets out early on Wednesday until 10 minutes after school got out.  Granted, I had the 3 cavities filled this morning and my face was numb until 1, and Andra was home because she had fillings too.  But I can’t believe I forgot my kid at school (for the record she didn’t care at all).

I am out of practice at jam-packed schedules.  I have alot going on right now, at work and at home, and instead of invigorating me, right now it just makes me tired.  Thats new for me. I think feeling tired has made me emotional lately, and was even thinking Monday that sooner or later I would just start crying for no reason.  Unfortunately, yesterday, I had a reason and it took me down.  A good friend lost her baby at 6 or 7 months, and as I was talking to another pregnant woman about it I was crying.  Hello!  She is all hormonal, and bound to be concerned about the whole situation, and why wasn’t I being a pillar of strength?  A puddle of strength is more like it.

At least the dishwasher is fixed ($340), I have 5 new tires thanks to Phil ($800), the kitten just sprained her shoulder ($0), Phil’s doctor just wants to watch his broken hand ($150), and mysteriously, the coffee pot is working again.  I think today’s Dilbert is PERFECT.  So copyrighting be damned, here it is.  Maybe this is my problem.  I just made a pot of coffee, I’m going to say a little prayer for Lisa, and I think I’ll go make dinner.  To Java!

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