She’s All Grown Up

Andra is a wonder in progress.  Tonight she had a sleep over for a friend, and she was very excited to go.  When I dropped her off, the girls were off.  Andra gave me a drive by kiss and then she was done with me.  And as I looked at them, besides the fact that all these girls we have know for years are several inches taller then they were at the beginning of the school year, I realized that they have all grown.  They look like young ladies, and not like little girls.  They are independent and thoughtful and so much more responsible than they were just days ago, it seems. 

Andra has really struggled with being a little girl this holiday season.  She wanted to stay at camp with the Boys.  She helped them set up and needed no help from me all day.  She was not pleased with her childcare options over the break, and worked to make alternate plans that felt more grown up – hanging with Grammy, playing with friends.  She is clearly taking yet ANOTHER step away from me and I have moments where it kills me.  While I want her to be strong, and independent and capable, I still want her to need me, too, of course.

When she learned to walk, I wrote an entry in my Andra Journal that I thought about tonight. 

July 25, 1999

Days like today it seems like you will be one forever.
Four teeth, your crawl getting sloppy,
As do most things we are so comfortable with.
I am sure you understand me
and at times, I, you.
And then, just when I am sure we have reached agreement –
you will stay one forever –
you step.
Ten steps toward me
but at the same time, it was, most definitely

There she goes.

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