Revisionist History

Or, I Hear Tell the Road to Hell is Paved with Good Intentions

Yesterday, after working most of the day, Phil came home a took a nap on the couch.  The only problem was that Anna, the neighbor was here.  You see, it seems like every time Anna is over, Phil is napping.  This leads me to believe that at some point in the future, when Andra and Anna are hanging out in college Anna will say “Remember how your dad was always sleeping? Was he an alcoholic or something?”  You can see how their somewhat murky memory, with limited comprehension of the context, could be a little distorting.  They will think he was a drinker, and not just an overworked CPA.

This leads me to review some other unusual behaviors that, while totally innocent and on the up and up, will nonetheless, in the dim light of the past, cause our children to question our goodness.

The neighbor, Anna’s mom, is a massage therapist.  Once, Andra walked in on me under the covers in the middle of a massage and said “Are you naked under there?”  To which I of course confirmed that I was, which caused her to giggle and run away.  To tell Anna, I am sure.  Future recollection “Remember how your mom and my mom used to go shut themselves in the bedroom for an hour and your mom was naked?”

Once, Anna walked in while Phil was getting a hurt shoulder worked on by Michelle. Future recollection “And remember how that one time your DAD was in with my mom, and your Dad was partly naked?”

Phil and I volunteer too much.  Which leads us to, at times, have large sums of cash lying around to deposit for the PTO or the Archery banquet fund raisers, and we have been know to spend a whole day counting piles and piles of cash on the living room floor.  Future recollection “What was up with those days that Mom and Dad had all that cash?  Remember how there was that one day a year where they spent all day counting money?  Whose cash was that”

So although in reality, Phil and I are hardworking, over committed volunteers with bad musculature in our shoulders, and Michelle is a virtuous massage therapist (the licensed kind) our children will grow up and think we were alcoholic lesbian/cheating drug dealers, and whores.

Only the best for our kids.

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