Not So Fearless Now

I generally fear very little. 

In addition,  I have adopted a theory I read in a magazine that there is no point doubting your decisions – you can’t often know if you have made a wrong choice (think tan paint vs. tan paint, or BLT vs.  Club Sandwich – there really is no wrong choice most of the time.)  Pick something.  Go forward with confidence.

Both principles were shaken to the core about 7 PM last night.  What made me think I could handle a sleepover of 9 year old girls?  I can’t remember the last time I had such a certain feeling that I had made a terrible mistake.

I know I was not an angel at sleepovers when I was little.  I believe (whether it is true or not) that the real shenanigans didn’t occur until I was in Jr. high – you know, the freezing of undergarments (usually you just wet it down and put it in the freezer, but I recall one particularly evil genius who actually put someones bra in a Tupperware and froze it into a giant block).  I remember being split up because we wouldn’t go to sleep.  I remember sneaking out and running amok.  Generally misbehaving.  But again, I don’t think I did that until i was much older.

Last night, we had drama, we had crying, we had girls packing early asking to go home.  Phone calls begging to be picked up.  Right now. Once that passed (painfully I might add – they all stayed), we had whispering, and secrets, and people being left out.  We had People magazine, and cell phones and late night giggling.  All, to be certain, still fairly innocent.

I was highly stressed, and I have tried to figure out all day why it had me so unraveled.  I think, but I can’t be sure (doubt creeping in), that the kid mix was a little off – there were kids from two different “schools” if you will, so they hadn’t figured out the group dynamics.  We had quite a few queen bees, and, it seems, not enough wanna be’s to make for collaborative play.  Andra had a great time, and was immune to it all, I think.  I give 2 other girls immunity from it for some reason, and 2 girls had a pretty bad time.  I am fairly certain they went home and told their parents I was mean.  I was also stressed I think, because these girls all seemed much more 13 than 9 to me, at times, and it freaked me out. 

In the end, I can only hope for the best. I guess I don’t remember big drama at slumber parties, and there must have been some.  Maybe these girls recovered and will admit to having had fun.  I hope so, so they can remember it as the fun, only slumber party Andra ever had.

I have confirmed with Grace that she will never have more than 2 kids over.  So far, she seems fine with it.  Good thing.  Because now, I live in fear.

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