Well Enough. Alone.

Hypothetically speaking, if you ever find yourself in this situation, just consider well enough alone.

Let’s say you are dining.  At a restaurant.  With 3 male colleagues.  Let’s say you notice your bra strap.  Loose.  Hanging out the front of your shirt.

Tuck it in.  Take my world for it.  Move on. JUST. LEAVE. WELL ENOUGH. ALONE.

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT proceed to the bathroom.  DO NOT think “I should fix this”.  “Let me just take off this shirt.  Fix the bra strap. In the bathroom.  Over the toilet”. 

Because, hypothetically speaking, you might drop the shirt in the toilet and it would get all wet.  And then you would start laughing.  In between staring in horror at the shirt in the toilet, noting the surreal contrast between the black of the shirt and the sparkling lights off the water, and listening to the slow motion sound of the new people coming in to the bathroom, waiting for the stall, encouraging you to hurry. 

And you would have NO CHOICE, really, NO CHOICE but to put the wet shirt back on.  Laughing.  Almost, if I might say so, uncontrollably. You would have to return to the table, with tears squeezing out the corners of your eyes and you would be convulsively laughing, trying to pretend, unsuccessfully, that everything was fine.  Pretending that you did not actually just pull your shirt out of a public toilet and put it on to return to eat some lovely bread pudding. Wishing frantically that the wayward bra strap was still the worst of your problems.

Really. Just leave well enough alone. 

Hypothetically speaking, of course.

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12 Responses to Well Enough. Alone.

  1. jennie says:

    If I ever receive a package from you containing a shirt, I will know that there’s a good chance it is not fit to wear.Honestly, I don’t know if I could bring myself to fish my shirt out of a toilet and wear it.Brava Jenine!

  2. Mostly Jenine says:

    What part of NO CHOICE are you missing? It was 10 degrees outside, and I had 2 seconds to decide on a game plan – how do you go in to a bathroom dressed and return without a shirt?Give me another plan, Jennie…

  3. jennie says:

    Boy, I don’t know! I can’t think of a single good option for this situation. But, I am very glad that this happened to you. Not only because it really cracked me up, but also so that I can better understand the dangers that lurk in public restrooms.

  4. Kathy says:

    I can’t even imagine! I need to know what kind of shirt it was to complete the visual. A cotton t-shirt? Blouse? I will always remember to leave well enough alone – always.

  5. Rene Hearn says:

    Wow – so I just have to say that this entry has been the highlight of my week. You always make me smile, but this time, I about peed my pants. I too would like further details as to the type of shirt.

  6. Dan says:

    Hypothetically speaking, I would have not noticed you without a shirt. My eyes would be glued to yours as you explained yourself away. Just a man’s point of view. Hypothetically speaking, of course….

  7. Mostly Jenine says:

    Black, long sleeved cotton T shirt, with a black cotton tank top – so it was a double layer of super absorbentness. For maximum comfort.

  8. Mostly Jenine says:

    Secure your belongings. Really, it’s pretty important.

  9. Greg Headlee says:

    I was just watching Americal Idol last night (to spend time doing something Whitney wanted to do) and they were talking about most embarassing moments. I thought my experience having a “pow wow” at work was bad . . . this one takes the cake (or in your case, the delicious pudding). This even tops the one with your zipper being down in front of the client (oops, I hope that one was public knowledge). Realistically speaking, if anyone is going to have a wardrobe malfunction it would be Jenine (minus the Justin Timberlake).

  10. Jacki says:

    Hypothetically speaking, one also should not call a friend with no self control who will then call you back when you are trying to maintain what little composure you have left and tell you you really should get the Twitter account so you can keep us all a-(wet)-breast of your happenings.

  11. Mostly Jenine says:

    Quite right. Tender readers, I convinced myself that if I called Jacki, it would be out of my system, and I could calm down. Unfortunately, she called me BACK when I had composed myself and I started all over. At the table. Always a true friend.

  12. Kim Clark says:

    Jenine,I nearly peed my pants reading this. You never fail to crack me up. 🙂 How did the guys at the table react? Hypothetically of course . . .I hope it is okay, I copied that story into a email for my coworkers to warn them of the evils that can befall them if they don’t leave well enough alone. I didn’t include your name, of course . . . 🙂

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