A Year Without Andra

I have such horrible mixed feelings about this new year.  I am alternately inspired, a little more awake, despondent and heartsick.  2010 ended horribly.  But it is also our last year with Andra. So in the words of Michelle W., it was the best worst. I am not at all ready to let it go.

We ended it with fun – Grace had a sleepover, and with the help of the Richardsons and Bill from hunting camp, we had fireworks, a pinata (the best one ever, actually), watched the ball drop and toasted with champagne.  We all fell asleep minutes after midnight, and the boys left at the crack of dawn for camp.

And today, I am completely lost.

So I am filing through papers, and doing laundry and cleaning the kitchen and trying to burn off nervous energy.  I feel the need to search for things on the internet, but I have no idea what I am looking for.  Grace and I may go wander around the mall, or go to a movie, but it is the same thing – we don’t need anything there, and we certainly won’t find what we are really looking for. 

I suppose 2011 will be a year of discovery, and the journey starts with us exploring and wandering around lost.  Eventually, maybe we will find whatever it is we are looking for.  I hope we recognize it when we find it. 

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2 Responses to A Year Without Andra

  1. Michelle says:

    We are here and “wandering lost” with you… I am amazed at your eloquence to put into words what you are feeling. You are an amazing writer. XO – M

  2. I don’t even know what to say here. Just believe that every new day will bring hope and light. there are always the things to admire in life, the task is not to stop seeing them.

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