Still Waiting

Does anyone else notice that I don’t write as well as I did when I started this blog? I don’t know if my style is slipping, or I am just too tired. But I found the start of this post in my archives, and it is right in line with what I was thinking today so I am going to finish it. Here goes.

I want to rule the world. I do. Unfortunately for me, I am just your regular run of the mill working mother. I have control of certain things and I do rule them, and well, if I may say so myself. As an example, I am most definitely the sole lord and master of my kitchen pantry. On most days, you will find it reasonably well stocked, although I must admit that rulers are not always attuned to specific details. There have been small uprisings, onions that grow out of their papery casings, or potatoes that see too well in the dark, but eventually, as with all revolts, I put them down. As ruler (of the pantry that is) I am most focused on not having anyone starve, a lofty goal. I cannot be entirely engrossed in the details, like the quality of the snack food, or the freshness of the vegetation that grows deep in the corners. Thereby I still feel I am a fair and gentle ruler in spite of certain plant growth, and to date, no one has starved.

The problem is that I don’t really care so much about keeping a fine pantry, but rather, I want to run a small empire. A corporation, a small country, something a bit more manageable than the little closet in the corner of my kitchen. I feel that as I have moved into my late 30s (ok, I am in the 40s now) that I have a smashing sense of style, and know how just about everything should be run. I can’t understand why everyone doesn’t agree.

And yet, they don’t agree. Or I am not quite brave enough to make everyone agree, either way. In any case, when I see others succeed wildly, it makes me angry. A little bitter. And there is one person in particular who just rubs it in. My friend’s husband has exceeded all of my expectations, and blows the rest of us away. When she fell in love with him, I was skeptical about his skills. I admit it. Even though I had never met him, but she was so sure he would break all the records. And so he has. Today he was on the cover of the USA Today Sports section. No REALLY. And he is 38. Is there no end to the suffering I must endure? No limit to the number of times I have to write him to apologize for my doubts? Apparently not. I will get out my cards of shame and write another one.

I must find a measure of success to compensate… In the mean time, if you have any spare worlds or empires you need help with, let me know. I’ll keep practicing on the pantry.

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